That's All?
by LittleBlueNayru
Summary: TP-based. Centers around one of the disappointments of the game: Epona. Rated T because Epona kicks Link in the face deliberately and also for language on Link's part.


Disclaimer: I don't own LoZ.

Well! My imagination is on a roll! I just came up with plot bunnies for three RHO's due to my RHOS, and I gladly present the first one to you! So, this one centers on how Epona has absolutely nothing to say.

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That's All?!

Being a wolf was much more enjoyable now that Link had a choice in the matter.

He paced through Kakariko, savoring the calm night that blanketed the place. He had been spending the night there, resting from his journey. However, something had compelled him to take a walk outside. Maybe it was the wolf inside him awakening in true. He thought this with a wolven grin as he ran through the street, taking down the last of the flock of Guays over town.

"Hey, being a wolf isn't that bad!" he said to Midna as he ran up the hill at the back of Kakariko. His bark was intelligible only to her.

In an equally foreign tongue, she replied, "You finally _have_ embraced the wolf in you! And to think, all it took was being stuck in it in the light realm!"

Link chuckled. Though Midna was certainly a lot nicer to him since Zant's attack, she retained her dry humor. After becoming very wet and shaggy in the hot springs above town, and scaring its resident chickens, Link shook himself off in retaliation.

Midna giggled and jumped off his back, floating out of the range of his spray. "Hey! Bad doggy!"

Link panted, tongue lolling out the side of his mouth in a goofy grin. The endearing look immediately earned him Midna's forgiveness, and she hopped back on his back.

They made their way back to the sanctuary, but just as Link was about to transform and return to the bed Renando had lent him, he caught sight of a patch of brown grass among the grass. Horse grass.

He could still howl songs while in wolf form, and the moon was conveniently full. The wolf within longed to have one night in the world of the living howling at the moon, a solo voice instead of the duet of the heroes, both ancient and new.

Link could also not resist giving Epona a good scare. After all, she had never seen him in wolf form. The Twilight scared her too much to enter, and the only times he had been in wolf form in the world of light he had not stopped to talk to anyone or anything. Imagine, Epona would whinny and run all over town! It might be a bit difficult to calm her down, though...But who cared?!

Link abruptly turned his four paws towards the patch of grass, and howled Epona's Song to the heavens, so that all of Hyrule would hear his call. Barely a moment passed before a neigh answered, and from Hyrule Field, Epona galloped up to the patch of grass.

Link's ears flicked in confusion. Why wasn't she running? He tried growling, spinning, barking, and lunging, but Epona just stood there, perfectly sanguine, enjoying the cool night air.

There was no way in the Dark World that Epona should have been able to stay where she was as peacefully as she did! What in Hyrule was going on?! Link walked around to Epona's front, snout facing hers.

In the language of animals, Epona whispered, "Even though you change your form, I can still tell that it's you..."

That would explain it...

"Link, hurry up and return to your true self..."

"Now hold on!" Link said. "How did you know it was me, Epona??"

"Return to your true self..." she whispered.

"I will when you tell me how you know it was me!" Link protested.

"Return to your true self..."

"Is that all you're going to say?" Link asked grumpily.

"Return to your true self..."

"I guess that's a yes," Link said, rolling his eyes and sighing dramatically. "Wow, Epona... I'm speechless..."

"Return to your true self..."

Link had had enough of hearing that he should become a human again. Epona was getting real annoying. "ALRIGHT!" he yelled, "I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO DIRECTLY COMMUNICATE WITH YOU FOR SEVENTEEN WHOLE YEARS, AND ALL YOU SAY WHEN WE FINALLY CAN IS 'RETURN TO YOUR TRUE SELF, RETURN TO YOUR TRUE SELF, RETURN TO YOUR FUCKING TRUE SELF!!! IS THAT _ALL_, EPONA?! WHAT ABOUT HAPPINESS AT FINALLY BEING ABLE TO HAVE A REAL CONVERSATION?! MAYBE YOU COULD TELL ME WHERE YOU ARE BEFORE I CALL YOU, BECAUSE THAT'S REALLY BEEN BUGGING ME! MAYBE YOU COULD TELL ME HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT WHAT'S GOING ON IN HYRULE! MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, YOU COULD GET ANGRY AT ME AGAIN FOR THAT WHOLE GOAT INCIDENT THREE YEARS AGO, AND ACTUALLY YELL AT ME FOR IT!!!"

"What goat incident?" Midna asked, leaning over Link's head.

Link turned away from her, mumbling, "I don't want to talk about it..."

"What was all that barking?!" came a voice from the sanctuary.

"I'm not sure, but if it was another monster...." the shaky voice of Barnes could be heard as the door opened, revealing the light of a lantern. the flames flickered for a moment as Barnes turned his head, and saw Wolf Link near Epona in the grass. "It IS a monster!!" He yelled, slamming the door shut. From inside, Renando could be heard yelling at Barnes to calm down, supported by the annoyed and angry voices of Colin, Luda, and Ilia. Barnes, however, was a complete coward, and only stopped spazzing when Colin hit him over the head with the sheath of a wooden sword.

Link, Epona, and Midna all blinked, before turning their head from the violence inside back to each other.

Horseshoed hooves suddenly collided with Link's snout. With a yelp, he went flying three feet in the air, landing on his back. Midna, who had flown off at impact, glided over to the wolf, who was vainly attempting to stem his bleeding snout with paws.

"Whad wab dab foyr?!" Link yelled between thick streams of blood.

"For the goat incident..." Epona whispered.

Link growled in anger and exasperation. He should _not _have brought that up.

"Alright, what is this "Ordon Incident?" Midna exclaimed angrily, folding her arms across her chest.

"I drobe Ebona inno a wock, and froo fow goads," Link explained, still trying to cradle his snout. "When I was erdig goads free yeas ago. The goads began chading us."

"Then she has every right to be mad!" Midna said indignantly.

"Thad was a log time ago!" Link protested.

"Link...return to your true self..." Epona whispered, before snickering.

"WHY CAND I EVA WIN?!" Link howled in anguish as the moon set over Kakariko.

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Link is talking funny because I love to torment him and also because cascades of blood are pooring out his nose. Epona is _not_ gentle...

Well, did my RHOS bring you funniness?

See ya later! --Blue.


End file.
